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Rick, 36 from Luton stood at five foot tall and described his body type as ‘Cuddly’.
His bio read: “Hello, I’m Rick and I’m a ginger hobbit.
Next up, I had to fill in more about myself and my interests. My favourite intrusive question was ‘Preferred Sexual Position’ – a real conversation starter, I’m sure.
I realised things have moved on since I last filled out online dating forms. ‘Deep Stick’ hovered awkwardly over ‘Reverse Cowgirl’, leaving me truly spoilt for choice.
It was disappointing to find that Gingr was not a specialised Grindr-type app designed to direct you to the nearest ring of fire, but instead an electronic payments app.
The pale, almost translucent skin, the freckles, the adorable round eyes, the vulnerability… Thanks to the constant taunting from friends, I never miss a Tumblr or blog link pertaining to hot red headed men, but sometimes mockery can be a great source of insight. Four pictures of me in various states of undress and sobriety followed by a short bio that read: “I’m not a ginger-lover. I’m only loving gingers ‘til the ginger-lover cums.” Quirky with a hint of filth – perfect. ‘Natural’, ‘Smooth’ or ‘Shaped’ were my options and I refused to imagine what shaped pubic hair looks like as I selected it.It wasn’t long before my profile attracted its first flame-haired admirer, Paul/41/Wiggan (names have been changed to protect the ginger). He sported a rather large pair of red lace women’s knickers which had an impressive gut hanging over the waistband. Again, I like the fact that he presumed I’d be interested, but sadly he wasn’t my type.The delicacy of the lace knickers and the harsh protruding beer gut complimented each other quite well, I thought. Another ginger who found me attractive was ‘Lisa’, 31 from Shropshire.Wanting the Noel to remain joyful, I point-blank refused to get into the conversation and changed the subject.But now, with 2014 well behind me, I realise it’s time to dust off my genitals and re-enter the time-consuming and frankly expensive world of dating.