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I admit, I was attracted and craving a connection with a man who was unavailable. And this, is the decision that starts to break the unhealthy cycle. The moment you accept less than your worth, you will get less.
The moment you tolerate disrespect and disregard, you set precedent. Larry Young, the director for Translational Social Neuroscience, notes that experiencing a loss from a partner – such as a separation or death, is akin to an addict craving drugs.
A study showed that voles separated from their vole partner showed high levels of a stress chemical, corticosterone, and experienced an overwhelming anxiety due to their partner loss.
The voles are driven to go “home” to their partner because only then does the oxytocin (the feel good hormone associated with pair bonding) can help ease the anxiety the separation caused. Young states that the vole behaviour is similar to humans – they come back not because they are positively motivated to be with their partners, but because they want the misery of separation to stop.
Don’t give in to those last-minute dates or hookups. Keep a journal to record how you feel when you don’t have that bad boy fix or instant gratification, then watch your confidence soar.
Making choices that are in alignment with what you truly want in your life — a loyal, loving partner who meets your needs consistently over time — will raise your attraction factor significantly.
As a result, they have a lot of love (sunk costs) for their date or mate. Are you giving without expectation of receiving anything back in return? Or, is there a part of your giving that is rooted in the hopes you will get love and acknowledgement in return?
The bottom line is this: The bad boys (we call them hunters!“We have this normal together, whatever that normal is.And the bad feeling forces you to come back.” He points out that both men and women who have been verbally or physically abused often refuse to leave those relationships similarly to how drugs addicts cannot leave their relationship with drugs. Then, “They rationalize their choice to stay by focusing on positive traits their partner might possess.” Sound familiar? Each relationship that comes in your life is the universe’s way of delivering a lesson for you to learn.Investing your time in guys who don’t follow through after a first date.Wasting months on men who don’t want anything more than a casual relationship.
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In a sense, you seek comfort in that familiar scenario – even if it is one filled with angst.